Why Setting Standards in a Relationship Will Do You No Good?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for six long years and I can honestly say that those years were not all of good memories. There were times, a lot of times actually, when we argued, had a disagreement, and had fought over an issue. There were also instances when we almost gave up on each other. That’s because we’ve seen the worst and we weren’t able to handle it. I thought that’s all. I thought it was just our dark sides, our weaknesses, our shortcomings, from which our fights arose. I was wrong.

As I grew older, I realized that it’s our predetermined “standards” which are the culprits why accepting each other became harder than it was supposed to be. I learned that the only way to stay in love with your partner and to keep each other is to FULLY accept her as she is. No more, no less. On the other hand, having a yardstick for your relationship will do you no good and here are three good reasons:

1. There’s always room for improvement

When your partner committed a mistake, be it intentional or not, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end for the both of you. Setting standards on how she should behave will only create expectations on your part and if those expectations were not met by your partner, disappointment will come into view. Learn that as humans, we are all capable of committing mistakes, what you have to keep in mind is that there’s always room for improvement. Let your partner know of her mistakes and encourage her to take it as a challenge for her to make a better version of herself.

2. Setting standards is perfectionism 

By demanding your partner on what she should wear for a Sunday night mass, or on how she should behave in front of your friends, you are asking her to be your perfect idealism of what your girlfriend should be, and that’s absolutely wrong. Let her be true to herself. Let her show her flaws naturally and embrace those flaws because those are part of her. That’s the best thing you can do for your partner. And by doing so, you will make her feel that she’s truly loved for what she is and not for what you want her to be.

3. Love is not about standards

When you first fell in love with your partner, there’s a greater chance that you didn’t ask yourself on why did you fall for that person. You just started to love her. But as you two stay longer with each other, you’ll find yourself demanding for what you want instead of living with the consequences of having her as your partner. Trust me, even if you have a handbook for do’s and don’ts in a relationship, you’ll get hurt over and over again and if you’re not strong enough to accept her whole-heartedly, then you’ll just end up blaming her for not meeting your standards.

Remember that love bares no standards. It is about accepting the person you found with no reservations.

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